I was Requested by the Viewers to ad more Jokes so I did
Non of this jokes were made by me, most were taken from www.jokes.com
The Frog (a joke) A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week."The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *Anything* you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally the frog asked, "What is it?I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer.I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."
Dr Seuss
If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer:
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort.
And the address of the memory makes your floppy
disk abort.
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to
report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a
dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your
window in the trash, And your data is corrupted
'cause the index doesn't hash. Then your
situation's hopeless and your system's gonna
crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you another game, sir!
If the label on the cable on the table at your
house,
Says the network is connected to the button on the
mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another
protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the
hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side
effects of Gauss,
So your icons in the windows are so wavy as a
souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a
bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna
hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on
the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary
RISC.
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want
to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell
your mom!
If _____ Made Toasters
If _____ made toasters
If Oracle made toasters...
They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all
brands and styles of bread, but when you got it
home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in
development, the Croissant Extension was three
years away, and that indeed the whole appliance
was just blowing smoke.
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes
in toast and gives you regular bread.
If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring
bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM
would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six
toasters.
If Xerox made toasters...
You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
The toaster would jam your bread for you.
If Radio Shack made toasters...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know
anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts
to build your own toaster.
If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread
at the same time.
If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster
than any other single-slice toaster in the world.
If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless
black cube. Every morning there would be a piece
of toast on top of it. Their service department
would have an unlisted phone number, and the
blueprints for the box would be highly classified
government documents. The X-Files would have an
episode about it.
If the NSA made toasters...
Your toaster would have a secret trap door that
only the NSA could access in case they needed to
get at your toast for reasons of national
security.
If Sony made toasters...
The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than
the single piece of bread it is meant to toast,
can be conveniently attached to your belt.
If Timex made toasters...
They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist
toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.
If Fisher Price made toasters...
'Baby's First Toaster' would have a hand-crank
that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like
a Jack-in-the-box.
If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would
have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take
the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it
anyway. Toaster'95 wouldweigh 15000 pounds
(requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw
enough electricity to power a small city, take up
95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to
be the first toaster that lets you control how
light or dark you want your toast to be, and would
secretly interrogate your other appliances to find
out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft
toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since
most of the good bread only works with their
toasters.
If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does,
but 5 years earlier.
Bill Gates amd General Motors
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of
General Motors.
'If automotive technology had kept pace with
computer technology over the past few decades,'
boasts Gates, 'you would now be driving a V-32
instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of
10,000 miles per hour,' says Gates.
'Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30
pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of
gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new
car would be less than $50,' he continues.
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman
replies, 'Yes, but would you really want to drive
a car that crashes four times a day?'